best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
