He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
