Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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