you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
