just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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