somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
