MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
