I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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