i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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