best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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