There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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