blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
