if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
