Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
