Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
