Only a mothe r could love this liver
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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