Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
