sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
