Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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