I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
