I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
