Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
