Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
