I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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