Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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