so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
