gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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