Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
