The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize