Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
