I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
