I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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