i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
