The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
