I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
