i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
