I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
