Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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