Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
