my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
