This girl is more easily done than said...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
