Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
