Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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