So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
