Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
