I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
