I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
