I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
