I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
