Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
