last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
