I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
