New invention idea: vibrating tampons
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
