just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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