I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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