I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just invented taco cereal.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
