He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
