i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
