I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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