I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
