You smell like a Billy Joel song
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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