Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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