guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
