I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
