so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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