she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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