...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
