it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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