I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
