this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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