Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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