So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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